Clare Whitfield, Historical Fiction Author who secured a two book deal from the slushpile, spoke to our members about how to perfect those pitches, and was the adjudicator for our November competition:
Pitch your novel in 300 words
It’s traditional to have two pitches prepared; one longer one, and one short (elevator) pitch which should be no more than two sentences. Please prepare one ‘elevator’ pitch and one slightly longer pitch. Word count of pitches combined to be no more than 300 words.
Remember to include details about protagonist, situation, genre and hook.
Some intriguing ideas that I would happily read – please keep going and developing those pitches. The scores are not a reflection on the quality of the stories/ ideas – purely on pitch technique & content
What I haven’t scored – titles, ideas, language, grammar, genre
What I looked for – hooks, placings, context, digestible (did I ‘get it’)
Method: Scored each pitch (elevator and longer) a score between 1-4, totaled up both and then ranked the top scorers of a single score.
Clare did highlight that while our competitions apply a 300 word limit, she thought it was worth noting that a shorter word count be better when pitching to agents.
I really enjoyed this process and think there’s some amazing ideas here, the top three all scored the same score, but the first place goes to the writer who gave the clearest view of what it was they were trying to pitch.
Clare Whitfield
And the winners are…
First Place: Cold Warlocks by Ben Culleton
Second Place: Chrysalis by Catherine Griffin
Third Place: The Other Boy by Heidi Field
Highly Commended: The Art Thieves by Howard Teece
Highly Commended: Compass by Sam Christie
First Place: Cold Warlocks by Ben Culleton
Punchy, targeted, good comparison, understood the tale, setting, sense, no word wasted – smashed it!
Clare Whitfield
Elevator pitch
A career diplomat spirals into a web of supernatural espionage during a dream job working for the Embassy of the Underworld, following Hell’s declaration as an independent state.
A dark fantasy tale for readers who enjoy Neil Gaiman
Longer pitch
Following a period of global recession, widespread panic and other Earthly turmoil, Hell has taken advantage of the chaos and declared itself as an independent state. The Devil himself presides over worldly affairs, but not without the help of demonic diplomats and human administrators.
Merv Joyce considered himself an excellent civil servant, a career that spanned the continents working for the Foreign Office but without much progression through the diplomatic ranks. When the Devil began to recruit for his first embassy in London, Merv jumped at the chance for a fresh direction working with a new foreign power, an exciting and charismatic world leader. Promotion and excellent benefits beckoned, and he rose swiftly up the Underworld ladder, without considering the consequences of working for the Prince of Darkness. Before long, despite the plush Chelsea apartment, fine dining, women, men, and more money than he had ever earned before, it all came at a cost. As the newly established First Secretary of Purgatory he’s been branded a traitor to humankind whilst trying to evade the evil machinations of jealous disciples of Hell. Merv’s work-life-death balance just got complicated.
Disillusioned once more, and recruited easily as an agent of the Angels, Merv now plays a pivotal role in the upcoming War on Torment. His handler had found a way to usurp Lucifer’s grip on the world, but would the forces of good vanquish the Devil once and for all, and if so, at what cost to Merv’s eternal soul?
Second Place: Chrysalis by Catherine Griffin
Targeted, clearly sci-fi, easy to see demographic, good vs. evil scenario, setting good (a little long)
Clare Whitfield
Elevator pitch:
On a planet of giant insects where humans survive in harmony with nature, a girl fights to save her people from the rise of a terrifying new power — an alien hive armed with human technology.
Detailed pitch:
Chrysalis was a green planet, thriving with life similar to Earth’s insects — only much, much larger.
The first research colony landed with dreams of building civilisation in the wilderness — but when crops failed, and the spaceships did not return — hope slowly died. Forced to hunt and forage, succeeding generations abandoned technology and survived by forging new relationships with the native life.
Hundreds of years later…
When wasp-riders raid her treetop village, rebellious teenager Chrys flees with her brother to the dangerous forest floor. Peaceful ant-folk offer a refuge, but unable to adapt to their rigid society, Chrys instead embarks on an epic journey to seek help from the fabled Searchers.
What she discovers will change her forever — and is only the beginning of her struggle to save her family.
Wasp-riders are raiding other villages, collecting hundreds of slaves to mine and forge deadly new weapons. With the slavers and their insect masters bent on world domination, Chrys and her friends must fight — for freedom, for survival, for the soul of a world.
Third Place: The Other Boy by Heidi Field
Longer was stronger than short – lacking in context, but great comps, clear demographic.’
Clare Whitfield
The Other Boy is a contemporary crime/mystery novel of approximately 80,000 words.
Elevator Pitch
Scott and Blair thought they knew their son, Jamie, until he was murdered by a serial killer. To unravel their son’s life, they must expose their darkest secrets.
Detailed pitch
Blending the disturbing honesty of We Need To Talk About Kevin with the twisty, intrigue of a Claire MacIntosh novel, The Other Boy is the emotional, gritty story of a couple’s search for the truth about their son’s murder and the relationship he had with his killer’s accomplice.
For a year, Scott and Blair have been trapped and tormented by their grief, but a chance encounter and some straight-talking sets them off on a dangerous trail of discovery and disclosure. A trail that might just lead them to the serial killer’s accomplice.
To unearth the truth about their boy and reconcile their grief, both must face up to secrets they’d rather stay hidden.
Highly Commended: The Art Thieves by Howard Teece
These were both intriguing pitches as they had a clear story and demographic appeal, remember length, intrigue and comps
Clare Whitfield
Elevator Pitch
Dale just wants his dad back; from the paintings that stole him.
Detailed Pitch
Every day after college, Dale Richards, a young man with disabilities, visits the same room at an art gallery. It’s the room he was in when he last saw his father, before he disappeared.
But now Dale knows what happened, and he, his friend Sally, and the gallery’s head of security, Mr Harrington, are off to get his dad back; from the paintings that stole him.
Journeying through near-perfect copies of classic artworks, they discover an in-residence artist hell-bent on maintaining his oeuvre, and a dragon uncertain on its boundaries.
Comps
The Midnight Library twinned with A Night at the Museum in Oils.
Highly Commended: Compass by Sam Christie
Elevator Pitch
Bilal Aldhamook and Pete Lewis have both made terrible mistakes and in a chance meeting, find out the true cost of their actions. In a world where forgiveness seems to be a thing of the past, is retribution all that’s left?
Detailed Pitch
Stuck on a rooftop near the old city of Mosul with his comrade Anwar, Bilal Aldhamook has decided he no longer wants to be a martyr anymore. With the allied Special Forces, the Kurdish Peshmerga and the Iraqi army closing in on the city, the two young jihadis want nothing more than to slip away to their old lives in Britain. If they manage to avoid death, will their captors have any mercy on them?
Three thousand miles away in a hilltop village in Wales, Pete Lewis is standing next to everything he owns; violently strewn around his front garden. Pete has said something in a flash of anger that he can never take back and his relationship seems to be over. Can his partner ever consider he might have had a point, or is this really the end?
Having nowhere to go, Pete sets off to stay in a remote bothy nearby and on arriving there realises he won’t be alone; he’ll be sharing the place with Bilal Aldhamook and two unsavoury characters who are both hell-bent on revenge.
Compass is a literary thriller which aims to confront the idea that there should never be any second chances for any wrongdoing, regardless of how understandable the motive might be.
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