March 2019 Competition Results: Judy Waite – Adjudicator

The March competition was judged by children’s author and University of Winchester lecturer, Judy Waite.  The brief was to re-write the opening of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice for the social media age.   

And the winners were:

First Place:  P&P 2019 by Angela Chadwick   

Second Place: Gangsta Pride and Prejudice by Margaret Jennings

Third Place: Plenty.com by Annie Gray   

Highly Commended: A Modern Truth by Gill Hollands

Highly Commended: First Impressions by Alex Carter    

 

march winners
Alex Carter (highly commended) with Annie Gray (third place),           Angela Chadwick (first place), Margaret Jennings (second place) and       Gill Hollands (highly commended)

 Photo by Summer Quigley

First Place: P&P 2019 by Angela Chadwick

‘Funny, clever and manages to capture the characters and the dynamic in this re-working.  A real skill here with characterization emerging through such minimal dialogue, yet nothing from the original is lost.  Very entertaining and well-crafted.’  

Mama Bennet @mamabennet
Lonely AND loaded????? Mine, mine, mine! #fivedaughterstogo

Lady Long @gossipqueen
You’ll NEVER guess which eligible bachelor just staked their claim on Netherfield Park! None other than nerdy genius Chaz Bingley. Chaz zipped up the A1 in his new Tesla and was blown away. Rumour has it the archgeek wants to be in by Christmas…

PapaBennet (WhatsApp)

MamaBennet

OMG!

https://t.co/xA1jk3

PapaBennet
Who he?

MamaBennet
🙄
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Bingley

PapaBennet
TLDR

MamaBennet
FFS! Single & rich! Somewhere between Jamie Oliver & Spenser off Made in Chelsea.

PapaBennet
Sick?

MamaBennet
Sick! Think of the girls!

PapaBennet
What girls?

MamaBennet
Our girls! He could marry one of them!

PapaBennet
Does he know them? Is that why he’s coming?

MamaBennet
☹! But think about it. It’s so exciting. I’ve never met anyone with their own Wikipedia page before.

PapaBennet
And you still may not LOL! He’s hardly likely to be nipping into the village pub for a pint!

MamaBennet
But we’ll be neighbours. We’ll have to visit him…

PapaBennet
Pop round with a cup of sugar? What if he’s sweet on you instead?

MamaBennet
Meh!

PapaBennet
You’re one fine cougar yourself!

MamaBennet
LMFAO.

PapaBennet
Perhaps Lizzie then?

MamaBennet
Why Lizzie? Jane is more beautiful. Lydia is much more fun.

PapaBennet
Lizzie’s clever. The others are airheads.

 MamaBennet
😠! Your negativity is blocking my chakras.

PapaBennet
Frankly my dear, I have spent a lifetime unblocking your chakras. Parade our bikini-clad girls in front of this man and all his friends and relations if it makes you happy.

 MamaBennet
How can you be so insensitive?  This is the opportunity of a lifetime!

PapaBennet
Knock yourself out. I won’t stop you. But don’t expect me to take part.

MamaBennet
Your so ???? I will never understand you!

PapaBennet
Sadly true.
GTG. Some of us have work to do… 

 

Second Place: Gangsta Price and Prejudice by Margaret Jennings

‘Impressive re-telling – it would be great to hear this performed.  Unless this author really is a gangster, a great deal of work has gone into making the language choices sound authentic and well-matched with the original.  A true representation of these characters in this contemporary scenario.’

It be a truth, universally bigged up, dat a single playa wiv a phat fortune must be up in want of a hoe. She must be big-ass busted, lil’ small-ass waisted n’ come from a phat crew.          Messenger :-

Why, mah dear,  Mrs. Long say dat Netherfield is taken by a lil’ playa of big-ass fortune from tha uptown of England; dat his schmoooove ass came down on Mondizzle up in a cold-ass lil chaise n’ four ta peep tha place, he is ta get it before Michaelmas, n’ a shitload of his servants is ta be up in tha doggy den by tha end of next week.

  Is this Mista Bingley hooked up or single?

Oh! single, mah dear, ta be shizzle biaaatch! A single playa of big-ass fortune; four or five thousand a year. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. What a gangbustin’ fine thang fo’ our girls!

Whatcha mean?

 

Our girls is big-ass busted, lil’ small-ass waisted n’ come from a phat crew.

They is.

They is.

You know what big-ass busted, small-ass waisted mean?

Well no, but they is dope.Yo ass must know dat I be thankin of his crazy-ass marryin one of dem wild-ass muthas.

  But Mista Bingley might like you tha dopest of tha party.

That ain’t the case. You must  go n’ peep Mista Bingley when his schmoooove ass comes into tha neighbourhood.

Why?  They is all wack-ass n’ignorant like other girls; but Lizzy has suttin’ mo’ of quicknizz than her sisters

Yo ass have no comboner on mah skanky nerves.

I be mo’ than familiar wi yo’ nerves.  I lived wit dem fo’ twenty years.

Go peep!

I’ll go peep when there be twenty big-ass fortunes to peep.

Third Place: Plenty.com by Annie Gray

‘I really enjoyed this scene of contemporary women and their modern approaches to dating.  Lots of fun being had here.  I particularly liked the cultural references, and the ending was humorous.’

Teppanyaki with new work besties.   

.PP

Good times.

It is a well-known truth that a single woman must be in want of a partner. However little known the feelings of such a woman on her entering a new job or social gathering, this truth is so set in the minds of those around her that she becomes their rightful property for she is a Bridget without veil, an Elizabeth without Darcy.

“Don’t like to jump to conclusions Beth,” Jenna is asking, “Are you WSM or WSW?”

“Huh?”

“Seeking man or woman?”

“Neither right now, thanks,” Beth says, as if turning down dessert.

Age : 43

Status: Divorced (train wreck – distant memory)

Kids: Yes (THREE boys – SOLE carer)

Personality Type:   Homebody ?

Intentions:  Keep enjoying life. To discover …

“Oohh,” shrieks Charli, thrusting her phone in Beth’s face, “Look at this one.   Solid income.   Personality type …professional.    I could read fortunes off his shiny head, but he could rock a beanie !     We’re signing you up!   Strike a pose….”

Charli

Age : 39 (ish)

Status :  Married (again)

Personality:    Hopeless Romantic 

Intentions:    Living the dream.

Beth’s face is caught in a crossfire of iphone flash.   By the time they are done  – smoothing, brightening, widening – her image on screen is symmetrically plasticised.  Jenna smiles at her, “Got anything pierced? Or a tatt ?   It may help.”

Jenna

Age:    26

Personality Type:   Free Thinker

Intentions:   Putting serious effort into finding someone.

“Finally,” Jenna continues, “choose your personality from the drop-down menu.”

“Arsonist….sociopath…?”

“Seriously, hon….You could end up alone and dead,  chewed on by your Alsations !”

Shreking and bristling with excitement, the women return to frenzied scrolling. All teeth  and hair, they are hyenas at a feast.

Eventually, they look up to find Beth’s seat empty.

“Like I said,” says Jenna sadly, “Alsatians.”

Highly Commended: A Modern Truth by Gill Hollands

 A different approach, with the disinterested male playing computer games and the female just another to add to his list … until this girlfriend takes control in a witty and unexpected way’.

It’s a modern truth, that a single man has to have a great online profile before a prospective partner shows any interest in a date.  Of course, many now prefer the freedoms of a single life anyway.

The dating game is global now. A couple may correspond or chat on Messenger for months before meeting at a convenient spot.

Without the slightest personal knowledge of the man, he is judged entirely by his face, followings, and postings. Ben had found feminist support always made a good impression.

‘Ben, have you heard that Netherfield Park has finally been let?’ Messaged his current girlfriend.

‘Nope.’ Ben added a surprised face emoji.

‘Just spotted it on Longy’s Insta. Guess who took it?’ She added a dancing gif.

‘A tech billionaire. I can see from the vid he turned up in his Tesla Z!  Morris, the agent, posted fireworks on Monday. He says staff are moving in soon to set up and he’ll be there by the end of September.’

‘What’s his name?’ Ben added a rolling-eyed emoji.

‘Bingley.’ She added a gif with flying money.

‘Status?’ Ben yawned, flicking on a game.

‘Available, according to his profile. Must tell Lizzy. He’s bi and just broke up. He’s tagged in some angry photos.’ She attached one so he could share.

‘Your daughter? Surely he’d be too old for her?’ In the game he shot three people and stole a car before he flicked back to her screen.

She’d replied with a grumpy meme.

‘You’d be much more his level, I reckon. Class.’ Well, he had to butter her up somehow.

‘That’s not a bad idea.’ She sent him a sultry gif.

Oh no. What had he done?

 

Highly Commended: First Impressions by Alex Carter

‘An interesting angle, telling the piece through Lizzie’s eyes, this entry captures character well and the ending resonates well with the consequences of fingers slipping and wrong buttons being pressed.  Sets up well for the rest of the narrative.’

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that a single guy with a good Tinder profile must be the first to swipe right on a girl he likes. That’s how Charlie Bing met Lizzy Bennet. But it wasn’t her he was really interested in.

LIZZY

Hey, what’s up?

CHARLIE

Hiya! 🙂 Just moved to Netherfield, thought I recognised you.

LIZZY

Really?

CHARLIE

Yeah, seen you out with your sisters.

LIZZY

So you swiped right on me to get to one of them?

CHARLIE

What? No!

LIZZY

Brb.

 

Lizzy tapped her new Instagram notification:

 

chbing99 liked your photo.

 

“Damn, he’s quick,” she muttered. She checked the thumbnail image – a photo from Jane’s birthday. “Crafty bugger.”

LIZZY

You had to go for the one Bennet sister who’s not on Insta…

CHARLIE

She isn’t?

LIZZY

Mate, you’re desperate.

CHARLIE

Better than hard to get!

LIZZY

Go Insta-stalk someone else’s sister.

Lizzy selected ‘unmatch’ on her message thread with Charlie, then went back to Instagram, ready to block him on there as well. Ready, until she noticed someone else in his profile picture. Reluctant, yet curious, she tapped on Charlie’s profile.

Tall, dark and handsome. Not Charlie; the other guy.

She scrolled down his feed of selfies and latte art, keeping an eye out for the other guy. “Oh God,” she said to herself, “I’m as bad as him, aren’t I?”

Then she found who she was looking for. His piercing stare contrasted completely with Charlie’s wide grin. Lizzy tapped the photo.

cbing99: Gr8 catch-up with @fitzdarcy! #BFFs #GoodCopBadCop

She tapped the username, @fitzdarcy.

Moody, artsy photos with desaturated filters filled the screen. There were few of this Darcy himself, and even they were shadowy, filtered in black-and-white. Lizzy meant to scroll down to see more, but missed, and slipped her thumb over the ‘follow’ button instead.

“Oops.”

She went to unfollow, but the damage was done. A new notification popped up:

fitzdarcy started following you.

 

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